I’ve tried to simplify this, but I’m just not a very efficient cook…

Sprig of thyme
Some sage
1 red onion, cut into 1/8ths
8 or 9 cloves of garlic, fuck it, call it ten
Two glasses of white wine
200ish mls of chicken stock
Maybe, what?  2tbsp of single cream
A whole chicken
Enough pasta for as many people as you’re feeding.  You know how much pasta you want, you’re a grown-up
Peas
Carrot
Groundnut oil
Salt
Pepper

Place the onion, garlic (snap it a bit first so the flavour can get out) and thyme in a roasting tin and plonk the chicken sort-of over them (it doesn’t matter too much, but it’s quite nice to get the chicken slightly raised).  Scatter the sage around the chicken.  Be liberal with the sage, because it’s nice.  Rub some oil onto the chicken, then season as you like it.

Roast the chicken as usual, ie. 20 mins per lb + 20, remembering to baste it otherwise what’s the point of the herbs and stuff, eh?

About 20 mins to the end of cooking, pour one glass of the white wine into the roasting tin.  Why?  Oh, why not.  It works.  Whose recipe is this, yours or mine?  Well, quite.

While the chicken is cooking, why not prepare your vegetables?  I cut a big carrot into about 1cm cubes so it’d be sort of the same size as the peas.  But, you know, whatever vegetable works for you at this point.  On reflection, I’m not sure peas worked, taste-wise.  But what else would I use?  Maybe broccoli that was cut into little mini-florets.  Purple-sprouting broccoli would probably be good.  Try that.

Ok, chicken’s done, take it out, put it on a plate and cover it in foil.  At this point I will be telling you what you should do, not what I did.  I made this a bit too complicated.

Ok, get the roasting tin and skim off some of the fat.  Not all of it, it won’t kill you.  Then pick out the garlic and herbs and put the pan over a reasonably high hob.  Pour in the stock and the rest (or, indeed, all) of the wine and stir it about so it reduces down nicely.

Meanwhile, boil up the veg and the pasta, as appropriate.  Try to time it so that everything is ready at about the same time.

Tear up the chicken meat (it’s better than carving it for this recipe, gives you nicer chunks), drain the veg and pasta.  Take the roasting pan off the heat and stir in the cream.

Get a big-assed serving bowl and put the pasta in it.  Then the veg.  Then sieve the reduced chicken stuff into it, and grab the onions from the sieve to put into the bowl.  Then in goes the chicken.  Toss everything together, put the tongs in the bowl and take it out to the table.  Let everyone else do the rest of the work.  You can finish the wine off.  Well done.

nb. If this is horrible, don’t blame me.  You just didn’t do it right.