We’re into March and I’m still going to tell you about my calendar.

Today it says "Failures always tell you how hard they tried", which is less pithy than Sean Connery’s line in The Rock, but I’m guessing Collins didn’t want to put "Winners go home and fuck the prom queen" on their office calendar range.

But then there’s the fact of the day.  "1886 – Britain’s first cremation took place in Woking, Surrey."

What???  I mean, even if you discount the informal, unrecorded burnings of, eg plague victims or Vikings (aboard their longship, of course), you’ve still got the fucking Romans to contend with.  The Romans!  Remember them?  you can’t even wiggle out of this one on a semantic technicality, Collins – Britain is the geographical term, not the name of the nation state.  Maybe England’s first cremation?  The United Kingdom?  Oh, but even then.  What about that Welsh guy who was cremated amid much scandal?  I saw someone talking about it on telly one time.  I wish I remember the details.

Well, anyway.

Fail.