The Dragonborn returns to Skyrim, having been distracted by other worlds and challenges.
“Oh, thank the Nine, you’re here! We have waited so long…”
“Hah, yes, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Lordy me. Right, so, yes, what do I need to do? Hold on.”
“OK.”
…
“Are you ok? You’ve been silent for five minutes.”
“Just checking my quest list! I have no idea what half of them mean. Mad! Have you seen some of the names in here? Who is ‘Brina Merilis’? What kind of name is that, eh?”
That is a fine Nord name! Brina Merilis is-”
“Yeah, probably. So. What’s the prob…”
[distant roar]
“Oooh, a dragon!”
“Yes! An ancient dragon has been terrorising our town!”
“And you want me to fix it?”
“You are the Dovakiin, are you not?”
“Yup, that’s me. The last Dragonborn. Indeed. I’m the good guy here.”
“It’s just that you’re wearing the armour of the Nightingales, the notorious order of thieves.”
“Well, it’s useful for sneaking. Shall we get on? Just need to remember how to FUS-RO-DAH! Shit sorry sorry are you ok? I was trying to remember how to run!”
“You killed him!”
“Nah, he’s just stunned. It’s just Unrelenting Force, and besides he’s vital for the quest so he’ll be right as rain in a minute.”
“You’ve broken his arm in two places!”
“Well… I have a healing spell. Let me just… nononono, don’t worry, I’m not going to attack anyone!”
“THEN WHY HAVE YOU DRAWN YOUR SWORDS?”
“I… wait. There, see, ahhaa, one of them is now a spell. A healing spell. There, look, that arm is fine now.”
“That tingled.”
“You’re welcome. Anyway, this dragon. What does he do? Ice, fire, what?”
“Ice.”
“Okey dokey. I… Oh, shit, my ice-resistant armour is at home. I think. One of my homes. In a trunk, maybe, or a wardrobe..? Look, can this wait?”
“WE HAVE WAITED A YEAR!”
“Sorry, sorry! It’s just there was a new GTA…”
“A what?”
“I used to be an adventurer like you…”
“Shit.”
“Then I took an arrow in the knee.”
“… Ok. Ok? Anyway, I reckon I can take him without the armour. Screw it.”
…
“Where did he go?”
“I’m still here! I just crouched! I forgot I had the Shadow Warrior perk.”
“This is very odd. Can you please kill this dragon now?”
“Ye-ess. Definitely. COME ON THEN, YOU SCALY BASTARD! CHARRRRRGE!”
“Why are you jumping?”
“Seriously, forgotten how to ruFUS-RO-DAH! Bollocks! SORRY again, sorry. I can pay for the damage, I have… Wow, I’ve got a shitload of gold.”
“Honestly, that guy is such a tool, I told you we should’ve hired the Blades.”
“Hey, I’m standing right here! Oh, no, crouching again. Fair enough.”