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See you soon

See you soon

I’m probably – probably – not going to update for a week or so.  I know my single-figures readership will not miss me, but I thought I’d explain for the benefit of the me who will probably read this in a few years time, as a sort of diary.

Look, incidentally, at the time of this message.  I’m still at work well into the afternoon (well, I will be when lunch is over).  This is WRONG and UNFAIR.  Stupid work.  I hate working on Christmas Eve, although working on Christmas Day was quite fun, the one time I did it.  But that was before I had a wife, and commitments such as that.  I get the feeling we will be sent home a bit early, but not much.  Gah!

Anyway.  Have a very happy Christmas, and I shall see you when we all re-emerge in the new year.

Christmas time

Christmas time

I have done my Christmas shopping!  Well, assuming people at work don’t RANDOMLY BUY ME STUFF, which does happen.  In which case it’s a panicked dash down to M&S to snaffle up some 3 for 2 presents which is never good.  I hate giving presents that I consider to be, you know, substandard.  But what can I do?  I don’t have the spare cash!  Bah.

Oh, I was so sure I had something to post here.  Oh, yeah, people who read the Bible on the bus or the train –  what’s up with that?  Are you worried they’ve changed bits?

Oh, balls

Oh, balls

I didn’t post last week!  Damn.

Well, as the nights are at their longest and darkest, it’s time for ghost stories!  I will try my damnedest to get my own effort finished and posted before the end of this winter, but in the meantime, enjoy the work of the no-arguments master of the form, MR James.  http://tinyurl.com/6qzmrc (Go for the BBC-produced Jacobi ones for preference).

Or, if you want it for free:
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/8486

Mystery Case Files – Return to Ravenhearst

Mystery Case Files – Return to Ravenhearst

A confession – I am a casual gamer.  We both are.  So, with that in mind, imagine how excited we were to see that there was a new Mystery Case Files game.  And that it was titled Return to Ravenhearst!

For those of you bemused by the above paragraph, you may as well give up now.  Or go to Big Fish’s website and see for yourself.

Anyway, yes.  Mystery Case Files games are a  class above the games found in the seemingly unending slew of hidden-object games.  Their artwork is crisp, distinctive and varied – a noteworthy feature in a genre dominated by repetitive object hunts.  Their games have enough of a story to pull you along, but not so much that you’re clicking through pages of irrelevant, annoying exposition before the next cluttered screen (the exception I make here is for Nevosoft games, whose long dialogue scenes are often very funny).  The atmosphere they generate is top-class, from the goofy Huntsville and Prime Suspects to the creeping dread of Ravenhearst and the black comedy of Madame Fate.  On top of all this, the extra bits are great – the locked doors in the first Ravenhearst are a high-water mark in casual game puzzles and the morphing objects in Madame Fate gave revisiting areas a whole new level of challenge.

Well, good news for those who like the extra bits – this time out the emphasis is firmly on puzzling, with object-finding a close (and still satisfying) second.  The game even moves you around in a less conventional hidden-object fashion.  Instead of a hub screen with locations to be investigated, instead there is a seamless point-and-click interface to walk you from one location to the next, with objects or areas of interest highlighted with sparkles.  All very Nancy Drew (but that’s no bad thing, since Her Interactive’s series is also head and shoulders above the competition).  The puzzles are once again designed as maddening locks, some conventional and some entirely novel.  Added to these are the occasional take object a to spot b type of conundrum, though these rarely pose much of a challenge – they mainly exist to keep you hunting through the hidden object screens.

Once again, the atmopshere is superbly sustained.  Whistling wind and unpredictable creaks mingle with pleading for ghostly release as you creep through the battered Ravenhearst mansion (incidentally, this is set in Blackpool but please try to put that out of your mind or you’ll go crazy at the shaky grasp of all things British), each click drawing you nearer to some half-seen shape or ghostly glow.  As well as the odd genuinely creepy moment, there’s a real sense of oppressive fear to the game, and even the questionable live-action inserts do little to dispel it – for the record here, the acting is mostly fine for a videogame but edges into hammy with the late appearance of a new character in the Ravenhearst story.  They’ve clearly put a lot of effort in, though, and there’s even a nice gag reel over the credits.

My one criticism would be that it is too short.  We blasted through it in about 6 hours, which is an okay duration but not nearly as long as we’ve come to expect from Mystery Case Files.  A few more hidden-object screens wouldn’t have gone amiss, I think.  After all, how can one begrudge padding of that nature when it’s of such high quality?

But that’s a minor point, and I think almost irrelevant considering that it is a casual game – hardcore gamers won’t be sitting down for day-long sessions on this, it’s a diversion for an hour or so on a gloomy Sunday afternoon.  Very gloomy.  Almost unnaturally gl… hey, was that someone walking past the window?

Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch

This is quite spoilery, but the film is over 20 years old! Get over it! Also, watch the film, because it’s great fun. Anyway..

No other franchise before or since has attempted to reinvent itself quite so forcefully. Star Trek “rebooted” as a teen flick? Bond “reinvented” as a troubled, monkeyish Bourne-alike? The Planet of the Apes “reimagined” as the fever-dream of a particularly stupid monkey? Child’s play compared to this. Carpenter was determined to do something new with his Halloween property and this was how he did it.

Failed, didn’t it? Oh, well. It’s given us a briliant, mad, flawed film. Creepy, low-key and apocalyptic in that way that 80s horror films often were. Where are the films like this nowadays? It’s all zoombies and torture porn. Bah. No fun! I want a film which starts with a robot assassin in a car park, counts itself down to doomsday with a cheery earworm of an advertising jingle and ends with a stone from Stonehenge essploding and THE DEATH OF MILLIONS OF CHILDREN! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIIITTT!

Surprisingly effective in its use of gore, too. Really, you hardly ever see anyone killed by the masks, but the image really sticks with you. I suppose there’s a decapitation, but that’s funny more than anything. The film is long stretches of things happening quite quietly punctuated by a head full o’ bugs.

I was tempted to say it’s more of a character piece, but that’s just a lie. The main dude is barely there, a moustache and a flannel shirt who cheats on his wife with, like, two seconds of hesitation and claims to be a doctor. Pfft. Dan O’Herlihy (“We had a time getting it here!” I WANT TO KNOW!) approaches a character, but ends up caricature. Which is fine, he’s the villain. Boo, hiss and all that. And the love interest literally disappears about halfway through, only to re-emerge as the most persistent robot assassin in history. Arnie looks like a total quitter in comparison.

An interesting glimpse into what never was, as Myers returned for the fourth part. The public, eh? You have to give them what they want.

Down again

Down again

I feel like the weather is playing tricks on me.  Yesterday I went out to the market and it rained, rained, rained.  Then I lost my umbrella.  Then I found it again and then it broke.  Numbly, I walked back home in the driving rain, then I gave up and waited for the bus.  Which came, after 10 minutes of waiting in the rain.  Then I walked the last stretch from the house in the rain.

I got changed out of my wet clothes and what happened?  Sunshine.  Bloody sunshine.  Bloody bastarding sun put his stupid arsing hat on.

This morning, it rained on me.  And my coat was still wet.  I’m not happy.

I bet that you look good on the danse floor

I bet that you look good on the danse floor

I’m currently a little obsessed with finding the perfect version of Saint-Saens’s Danse Macabre.  Well, without actually buying some sort of album.  I want to see what’s out there on the interweb.  So far I have a version with only violin and piano (which is oddly staccato) and one by a cello trio (which doesn’t have enough variety of noise).  There’s a version on YouTube, which you’d think I’d link to, with a description of what’s going on with every instrument and why.  It’s great, full orchestra and all that, but it’s – I say again – on YouTube.

Danse Macabre, of course, feels a bit hackneyed to us these days.  Years of abuse (and the kiddy self-parody of the Fossil Movement of Saint-Saens’s own Carnival of the Animals) makes it seem somewhat plinky-plonky and cutesy.  But I’ve been listening, again and again, and I’m slowly working my brain away from the cliché.  I think it’s great.

Today, a link

Today, a link

This is so effing cool.  I’ve wanted to see this for, I think I’m not exaggerating, about two decades.  Near that, anyway.  Ordinarily I’d just link to the YouTube pages, but the story linked to here is quite interesting anyway so… 

http://www.10zenmonkeys.com/2008/10/31/lost-horrors-ending-found-on-youtube/

A curious phenomenon

A curious phenomenon

I was sitting on the bus today and the woman next to me was reading, well, porn.  I mean, not a copy of Razzle or anything, but it was – I think – the Belle Du Jour book.  So I’m sitting there listening to my mp3 player and every so often my gaze is caught by descriptions of spanking and blowjobs.  On the bus!

What’s going on here?  When did it become acceptable to read this stuff in public?  I’m pretty sure that if I sat there browsing Playboy… well, I might get away with that, actually, because it’s all articles and only about three naked women a month.  Plus Playboy has a bit of respectability to it, it’s sort of just a slightly more naked Esquire or GQ.  But if I was unfolding the centrefold on the bus?  No that would not fly, my friend.  But a woman reading a book full of graphic descriptions of anal sex and fisting?  Sure, go ahead!

Excelling

Excelling

Excel is really hard!  Did you know that?  I know that, because I am currently looking at a worksheet and going "But there MUST be a way to do that!".

Often there is.  There really is.  I Google the sort of thing I want to do and helpful people in the Internets tell me what to do.  But right now I think I’m asking for the moon on a stick (wait, is moon capitalised?  I suppose if we’re talking about our moon… it’s name is kind of The Moon.  Like the Sun.  Sorry).  i can’t even Google it because I don’t know exactly what I want to do!  It’s sort of like a pivot chart… only not.  Oh, wait, maybe I have some stuff about that in…

Not much of a post this, is it?  Christ.  I’ll have something good to say soon.  I told my neighbour not to call Down’s Syndrome kids "Mongols" this morning.  But that’s not really a story.  Oh, yeah, unlike my kickin’ Excel tale.