I’m dying on hold. This is difficult enough as it is without the Stereophonics. I don’t want to be calling a debt recovery agency on a sunny Saturday morning… I’d rather not be calling them at all, ever, but these are the holes into which one digs oneself, I guess. My hands are starting to smell metallic from the trumpet of the phone – a gorgeous 1930s candlestick with separate ear and mouthpiece.. ooh, through!

Okay, well, that’s the amount there. 267.10. Huh. Not much. I could pay that one with an IVA, standing on my head. It’s the other one. The loan. And the other loan. Oh, fuck, the other loan. IVA! Please? Hello, student loans… Time to use the computer’s touchtone dialler… saves the dial on the antique, y’know?

pfah. Answerphone. Oh, well… Time to leave details… Or the first five words on my details, what the fuck? How short must their tape be? Am I speaking too slowly for them in t’north? I’ll call back on Monday.

Well. Ok. Progress, then? Amounts known – Student loan, credit card. Amounts unknown – bank loan. People spoken to – four. Machines spoken two – one. Not too bad. For some reason, speaking to Elaine at Capital One has made me thnk seriously about IVA… Could it possibly be the way to sort this out without going bankrupt? I hate the idea, because defaulting is such a big deal it’s scary, but… in practice… it might just be my salvation..?

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