This is venturing into the realms of TMI, but it’s too ghastyly/funny not to share.
I just went to the loo (yeah, all good anecdotes start that way, don’t they?) and noticed that there was a small pool of water at the foot of the… whatever that bit is called. The bit you sit on. Anyway, it wasn’t, like, toilet bowl water it was clean so I assume there’s a bit of leakage from the cistern. Unperturbed by this, I wiped it away with a few of the paper handtowels, figuring that, like most leaks of this type, it’d take ages to come back. Comfortable with this conclusion, I used the toilet.
Can you guess where this is going? Yep, when I stood up – big ol’ wet patch on the back of my trousers. Soaked. I guess the cistern is leaking quite heavily. What does one do? A quick application of handtowels proved ineffective so the only option was the most risky one – drying my trousers under the electric hand-dryer.
How best to do it? Remove one’s trousers and dry them directly while standing around in one’s underpants? Oh, but no. What if someone walks in? Act casual? "Hi, yeah, just soaked my trousers. It’s cool, it’s only water. Why’s it on the ass? Uh, well, look…" and then you have to kill them. So I took option b, which was to stand with my back to the dryer, arse stuck out like a pole dancer, hoping that no-one comes in. I guess I could just snap round and pretend I was drying my hands, but then they’d see the wet patch. And I’m not that quick.
There is, alas, no punchline. I dried my seat to the best of my abilities without being disturbed. No-one had to witness me, sans trous, struggling with an automatic hand-dryer. But still. Not a good thing to happen. My only comfort is that it could, even now, be happening to someone I don’t like very much in this office.