Haha…!

Now it is fixed good and proper, yes Mikey Michaelson? Uh-huh. According to The Man They Call Aquarion, it was – duh – my fault. There was an open h1 tag which I just plum forgot to close. I was wondering why all the other text looked all hugebigmassive.

Now I think this text size is something we can all enjoy. And Mike will be pleased to hear that I’m working on a restyle.

Well, all right, Mister Mike, I have rejigged the formatting slightly to compensate for the new commentary system. I only listen to you because you’re my genial host, you know.

In other news, flppy has a new computer (as well as, temporarily, a new url), which – in defiance of common sense – came with no modem. I know! Who are they selling these things to? Cave people? So we wents out and boughts a new one for, frankly, chump change. And I opened up the tiny tiny case, goggled at the lack of space to move, took out the video card, put the new modem in, put the video card back, closed it all up again and now the computer is just looking at us with a “modem? What is that? I’ve never heard of modems“…

Yep, I’m back where I was soooo long ago, with a computer failing to recognise its hardware. And I don’t remember how that problem got sorted out. And gah. Gah, you hear me?

I’m tired.

I’m thinking very seriously about starting a business. It needs a damn good website, a couple of geeks and a vehicle. Oh, and someone who can talk to businesses. It’s a winner, I tells ya.

I think if the only other bus numbers which stop at the stand have gone past and there’s still a load of people waiting, you should take the hint and get in the goddamn queue.

Hmm. Blogger is now offering comments. Hopefully, this post will have them available. Not sure how they work. Shall we see?

According to the Evening Standard, Troy is the latest Hollywood blockbuster to – oh, my sides – rewrite history.

Uh-Huh. You read me right. Rewriting history. That great historical work of nonfiction The Iliad.

OFFS!

Well, I’m loving Blogger’s new cuddly look, if nothing else.

Plus, they’ve given me gmail! Hurrah for Blogger. Gmail kicks ass.

Okay, so just got off the phone to Lloyds. I now know how much I owe everyone, and that means? I can deal with things. I’m getting a call tomorrow from a debt management agency, which will hopefully start me on the road to freedom! Or at least the road to paying people off and not bloody well worrying about it every ten seconds. Turns out bankruptcy and even IVAs are for big-assed debts, and my puny less-than-£10,000 blackmark is small change. They are sure, they told me, that they can help.

One can but hope.

On the plus money side, we won the film quiz on Tuesday, and got the cash, something no-one has managed since – get this- November. It had rolled over into a tidy sum. £475 between 5 people? That’ll be £95 each, then. Oh, the high life for me. Breakfast! New trousers! A new book!

Flapjack has now ordered her new computer, so that’s going to be all shiny and new and oooh look at the shine. Mu-huh. I’m hoping to pick up a copy of Final Draft somewhere in the world…

You know, there’s something else but I can’t think of it right now. Maybe that was all. No. Argh. I hate blogging. I love blogging. Damn you, Blogger!

This is cut ‘n’ paste from FU, so apologies if you’ve already read it.

Van Helsing. Spoilers follow.

This could’ve been really, really bad. Supernaturally poor. Happily, it isn’t.

I was pretty certain I was going to love it from the moment the Universal globe went black and white and a mob of scythe-n-torch wielding villagers stormed up to a castle. Then when the castle’s occupants turned out to be Dr Frankenstein, his Monster, Igor and Dracula… how could you not love it? “Look, he’s heading for the windmill!” – well, where else do monsters in peril go?

This bravura homage to Universal movies past is immediately followed with a more straightforward “Hugh fights a big CGI monster” heroic establishing scene. Though the monster is a cocky, incomprehensibly Glaswegian Mr Hyde and it takes place atop Notre Dame, it’s not really the funnest thing ever. And this sets the tone. Van Helsing is best described as patchy. You’re unlikely to be bored (except perhaps during the execerable scene between Dracula and his Brides, which consists of nothing but shouting and screaming in Comedy Accents), but there are few genuinely thrilling moments, Sommers instead going for “solidly entertaining”.

Plot-wise, it’s actually pretty damn tight. Each element has clearly been thought out well, everybody has their purpose and some strands are carried through with a courage not usually found in yer average summer blockbuster HUGE SPOILERS FROM NOW, FOR GOD’S SAKE, LOOK AWAY UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN THE FILM, THEN COME ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT THEM For example, it was an interesting twist to have Van Helsing bitten by the werewolf. It genuinely imperilled the hero, and was disappointing when the “cure” was revealed. Should it go to a franchise, how interesting would it be if Van Helsing was a werewolf? Oh, well. At least they had the balls to whack Kate – something I honestly didn’t see coming. HUGE SPOILERS END

Performances were variable. Support was fun, from Shuler Hensley’s great turn as the Monster (sympathetic, arrogant, angry – what more you you want from the Monster?) and Kevin J O’Connor’s sadistic Igor to the hysterical (not in the funny sense) Brides of Dracula. I was disappointed that the brunette wasn’t offed earlier, though, as she really got on my nerves. The leads were, well, leads in a blockbuster. Hugh is always watchable, Kate is all Comedy Accent and corset and Richard Roxburgh varies wildly between ridiculous and slightly less ridiculous. His “standing on walls/ceilings/whatever” schtick is great, though. David Wenham’s Q-ish monk is by turns excruciating and a joy – I think you need to get used to him, really.

Um. So, yeah. It’s not going to rock your world, but you’re also not going to feel cheated out of a ticket. A success, I’d say. And not a flop. So ha.

Standing in line? That’s for chumps. Soon we will be waltzing into van Helsing… Will it be rubbish? Will it be good? You’ll have to wait and see. Personally, I hope it’s chips.