A hive of activity

Sorry. Been busy.

Really have, too. Guardian Film Talk have banded and bonded and we’ve made something new, and GOOD, damn it, from the disaster which befell us. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? I’m impressed, anyway. At the time of writing, my first post on the new blog is ready to go. By the time anyone reads this, it’ll be up. God, I hope it’s ok. But don’t tell me what you think here, tell me over there. We need the readers. We need the love.

Elsewhere in life; usual ups and downs, sickness, tiredness, beautiful baby, it’s all good really. She’ll be two in May. Two! I can hardly believe that. Can you believe that? No, I didn’t think so. But there it is, it’s true. Soon she’ll have her own investment portfolio.

On, and on

Take a look at this. It’s nothing, yet, but it will be.  It will be something.  A thing.  And that’s our phoenix, folks.  They burn our house down, we build a new one.

I’m not going to tackle any kind of commentary on current events now.  It’s just too big.  As a sort of note for when I read this in years to come – right now, Japan and Libya.  How did that all work out?  I’m hoping OK.

Juice

I’ve just cut the stones out of a load of cherries, for my daughter.  She’s sitting eating them, her chin stained the same blackish-red as my fingers.  She is chatting away through the cherries, happy, making patterns in the juice on her tray.  I’m wondering if this is one of those memories I’m supposed to keep.  In doing so, I’m writing it down here.

I won’t remember this properly.  I’ll try to recall it – the juice on the knife, the feeling of doing something for her, the unabashed way she attacks the fruit – but I think it’ll just be a film memory, a work of fiction pieced together from real life and a thousand images in the media.

Shame. It was fun. And, in doing this, I’ve made it less fun. Object lesson: Don’t do this.

Still cross, but moving on.

I’m an FUer, so I am going to switch between FU and GU depending on the context here.

On Tuesday the 11th of September, 2001, the Guardian talkboards rocketed in popularity as a quick, stable platform for people across the world to communicate, to question, to react in some sort of group horror. The boards were sources of information – what’s happening, why is it happening, will anything else happen? This, for many people, was the start of the boards proper.

On Thursday the 7th of July 2005, the Guardian talkboards again reacted to a terrorist attack, but the questions this time were different. Is everyone ok? Where are they? Have you heard from them? The news platform had become a community.

On Friday the 25th of February, the Guardian took the decision – for whatever reason – to close these talkboards. The users of these boards have always known this was a possibility, and in recent years it has looked like an inevitability. Fair enough, it’s their space, they can do with it what they please, but this shut-down occurred without warning, at the end of a working week, throwing its many users into complete disarray. At best this was thoughtless, at worst cruel. Monday morning now, and still no closer to an explanation.

I’m not trying to draw comparisons to acts of terrorism and the closing of an online forum – that would be facile and unhelpful. I’m just using them as an illustration of how GU changed, how it grew. It was a mature community – in more than one sense. People around the world met friends, fell in love, had children, generated feuds, created elaborate in-jokes-within-in-jokes, wrote and wrote and wrote, words upon words.

And what words! Intelligent life is rare enough on the internet, but it clustered round the Guardian like blind shrimp around volcanic vents in the deepest corners of the pitch-black oceans. One could be controversial on FU without being dismissed, one could be questioning without being shouted down. Much. In fact, the bigger opinions were more likely to be discussed in measured terms and it was only the trivia which got people really heated. I learned many interesting, valuable things on there, and chief among them was this – never ever claim your way of cooking rice is the best one.

With luck, we’ll all be back. There are recovery sites out there, people clinging to liferafts (funnily enough, I was reading about The Raft of the Medusa just last week). Hopefully someone will figure out a way to keep the community alive, fresh, a living organism and not just a specimen in a jar, waiting to die. Because a forum, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we don’t want on our hands is a dead shark.

A sad day

They have killed Guardian Talk, of which my small corner was Film Unlimited.  No warning, no time to (((hug))) everyone goodbye, exchange contact details, shout “We’ll keep in touch, love youuuuu!”.  Nothing.  A switch was flipped (not really, it’s not run like Frankenstein’s lab) and we were out on our arses.  A pat-on-the-head message replaces over a DECADE of interaction.

I met my wife through those boards. We have a child now; she wouldn’t have existed.  We announced her birth there.  I’ve met so many great people (and not so great) through that board.  I have spent many evenings in the company of these great people (and all the others in the company of my wife), either in real life or online.

Now it’s gone. Gone, gone, gone. Almost ten years for me, ten years of thoughts, ideas, jokes, opinions, arguments, so many things which passed through my mind fell out onto the beautiful, crisp white space of FU.

It’s like losing a friend, having them cut out of your life without warning.  I’m not being precious (maybe a bit) or flippant (not at all) – this is a bereavement.

The wikipedia entry for guardian.co.uk responded immediately with this edit:

In February 2011 The Guardian closed down their talkboards which had been online for over a decade. This was viewed as worse than a thousand Hitlers and widely regarded as being the internet equivalent of what Thatcher did to mining communities in the eighties.

It was also the view of most that The Guardian in closing down the talkboard without warning or consultation were a bunch of gritpypes.

That edit has gone now, and the in-jokes it held will fade soon.  All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

Publishing

I’m self-publishing, not because it’s a vanity project but because I want a copy for my daughter and don’t care to hawk it round publishers in the forlorn hope of getting it one day, maybe, printed.

It’s a book of rhymes, called “Eleanor Kisses Crocodiles”.  I wrote the rhymes (with able assistance from my wife, especially on the “snake” page) about my daughter, and my Dad has drawn and painted the accompanying pictures.  I got the cover pic from him today.  It is amazing, it’s just beautiful.  I’m uploading the text as I type this, up to lulu.com, and soon I’ll put together a proper cover, with words and stuff.

I’m actually doing this.  It’s a thing.  It’s going to happen.   I’m going to be published.  YES, BY ME.   I know.  But still.  It’s exciting, however it happens.

New year

A BIT LATE.

So what’s been happening?  Well, I’ve got older (thirty-four now, slowly-increasing-numbers fans), and for my birthday we went to the ZOO!  Yay!  Okay, it was a bit gloomy and a bit cold and there’s nowhere to eat a picnic when it’s winter, but we saw lions (“rarr! rarr!”) walking around, growling, and tigers (“rarrr! rarrr!”) walking around, growling, and gorillas, climbing (not growling), and bugs (just bugs).

Anything else? Jesus had his birthday, too, which is nice for him.  Didn’t get him a card, but he never gets me one, so fuck him.

Almost finished my book – SOON TO BE AVAILABLE ONLINE.  I’m not actually expecting you to BUY A COPY. No-one should have to BUY A COPY, I’m doing it purely to have something to give to E in the future, to say “Look, this was made for you by Dad and Granddad”.

Spook

I don’t know why, exactly, but all I’m reading of late are ghost stories. MR James, if there are any left, but also Dickens, Hodgson’s Carnacki stories and I’ve just finished the splendidly creepy Dark Matter by Michelle Paver.  I wallow in them, I find them utterly compelling, fascinating and – fuck you, David Mitchell* – satisfying.

It’s probably the season, the long nights, the early dark.  It attracts ghost stories as a way to keep you indoors, huddled round the fire, talking of the things in the dusk.

So, hopefully, immersed as I am, I’ll produce that story I promised.

Meanwhile, here are some things which scare me.

Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad by MR James – you don’t know ghost stories until you know this backwards. Not that you’ll want to read it twice.

The Signal-Man by Charles Dickens – magnificently eerie short from Dickens, whose ghost stories deserve wider recognition than the regular trot-out of A Christmas Carol (as good as that is).

The Moon-Bog by HP Lovecraft – as with a lot of Lovecraft, not exactly spooky, but the atmosphere is unsettling.  His longer stories (The Dunwich Horror, say, or Shadow over Innsmouth) conjure a greater feeling of dread, and there is a sequence in Innsmouth which is genuinely heart-in-mouth terrifying.  But The Moon-Bog has stayed with me, for whatever reason.

The vampire of Croglin Low Hall – supposedly true story that simply scares the bejesus out of me.

*Though that whole article is confused bollocks. The fun is not in finding out what is the cause of the haunting but in following the increasing terror of the protagonist as they discover the cause.

Discord

I was working on this, but it has come to nothing.  Sorry.  I’ll try to get my shit together for Christmas.  Something spooky, misty.  Maybe. I PROMISE NOTHING..

The rain bounced violently against the window, perhaps anxious to be out fo the greyblack October sky.  Marchant stared out, his expression blank.

“Well?” he said, not turning round.

“Well,” said the little man at the desk, examining a small box. “It’s a lovely piece, in terms of craftsmanship. I couldn’t call it lovely in any other regard, though. The design is quite hideous.” He put the box down, distaste registering in the movement. The lacquered surfaces of the box gleamed in the firelight, cherrywood inlays dancing with flame.

“And the contents?”

“Couldn’t tell you,” shrugged the little man

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