Hello. This may be the first of many posts. I hope so. I’m at work, and this is via email. I decided to actually look at Blogger and see if there’s a way to cut off the footer on a work email… and there is. Hurrah! So hopefully this will work and I’ll post more regularly. Though I’m not guaranteed to be any more interesting than before. Also I don’t know if the HTML in this message works properly.

Just to keep you up to date: We have bookshelves – IKEA’s famed Billy is now resident – and a KitchenAid food mixer and thanks to that I have cake at lunchtime. Although I may save it for a sit-down at 4…

Ah, teatime.

A United Moths (a subsidiary of Flapjack44 International Megacorp) production, now on general release:

http://movies.lionhead.com/movie/76091

The Movies rocks. I have a film prepping now – a 50’s nostalgia piece with hot girl-on-girl action – and one in post whose name I have forgotten but which promises to be super-awesome, I think. I was a little disappointed with some of my earlier efforts – “The Cabin of Difficulty!” suffered from poor subtitling, and “The Dame’s Afoot” strayed from its initial brief a little too far. But you have to keep trying. Baby steps.

The post-production facility is a bit of a bastard in hi-res, so I have to keep switching down to lo-res to make sure the subtitles and FX synch up okay. I’ve made it to the 1970s without disaster, being merely mediocre. It’s a high-presure game, no doubt about it. Anyway, soon I shall be uploading “British Cop!” – a mis-matched buddy movie set on the San Francisco subway (I don’t want to hear it), “Callum and Stephen’s Laugh-In” – a farewell indulgence for one of my starriest stars, with hilarity a-plenty* and maybe “Dance All Evening” – a gritty kung-fu thriller with Thelma & Louise overtones.

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I’m back. Miss me? Or have you just quietly deleted me from your bookmarks (should I ever have been there)?

Well, you missed loads! Loads of stuff. I have some stories to tell, and I will tell them. But not yet. You’re going to have to invent your own. Right now I want to sleep and play The Movies. AT THE SAME TIME!

Sadly, this is not possible. I suppose I must sleep. Unless I can’t post this because I can’t connect to blogger. Nooooo! So… very.. tired….

We just set a reminder to watch Will and Grace. Kill me. Kill me now.

..when did praline become the default filling for chocolates? Hmm? Why wasn’t I consulted?

Oscar^TM night tonight. Won’t be watching as it requires Sky Movies, but I have my fingers crossed for Brokeback in Best Film/Director and possibly actor and Reese for Best Actress.

More of my silly bear-based Photoshopping up on Flickr. Actually, Paintshopping. And I don’t think it’s as good as my last lot, but some fun anyway.

If it helps. I’m not neglecting the blog on purpose. I’m just not writing. I can’t, at the moment. For some reason. I’m finding the usual breezy sitting-at-a-keyboard thing really tough. I took a couple of days off work to write the other week and nothing happened at all!

In other news, Star Wars Lego rocks. The videogame and the actual real stuff. I mean, I’ve never really got into it because it’s all specific-shaped bricks and that’s counter-Lego, to me. But the minifigs are just darling.

It’s not often I find myself in the position to register dissent via downloading a TV show, but times is funny. Tom “The Cruiser” Cruise does not want me to see the episode of South Park entitled “Trapped in the Closet”. Why? Is it because of what it says about Scientology? Because it implies that he is perhaps… a gayer? Well, you know, I had to find out.

Half an hour later, I can say a few things. One, Matt Stone and Trey Parker are now officially Fair Game, though this is rather a high-profile episode and it might be a bit obvious… Two, Tom Cruise is a robust and confident heterosexual. Three, Tom Cruise is not gay. Four, Xenu is cool. Five, Tom Cruise has never looked at a man’s arse in a sexual way, it would not cross his mind. Six, John Travolta actually comes out of this looking cool – after all, he was also in that closet with non-homosexual Tom Cruise and he did not get any part of the episode banned. Seven, I don’t know what is wrong with us that we are not allowed to watch what America has already seen but whatever it is, we’ll do our very best to make it right. Apart from anything else, we really enjoyed watching it on the internet.

I can tell you now that Flppy – who does not normally watch South Park – watched this episode with me. Thus the bannination of this show effectively doubled its ratings. In this house.

Good evening to you on this, the occasion of my 29th birthday. It is also the day that the biggest freakshow in town rumbles back to life – yes, Celebrity Big Brother is back and if it’s as entertaining as its line-up promises (Barrymore! Rodman! Burns! Galloway!) I may actually watch some of it this year. You know I’m not a BB snob, but Celeb shows bore me so much. I care less about them than nobodies! For.. some reason.

Anyway, it’s late. I meant to do this earlier, but there you go. I’m very disappointed in y’all not getting me anything. I have had a small bottle of wine from a work colleague. Oh, and from Flppy a Creative Zen Nano in bubblegum pink. Ha! Weren’t expecting that, were you? Anyway, I gave her the same for her birthday but in black, so we swapped as She Is A Girl.

I spent last night (I unwrapped it at midnight LIKE A CHILD) loading tracks onto it. But, I mean, all the good stuff from the new Girls Aloud album and what more does a person need? I ended up desperately hunting through mp3s. “Oh, just bung a load of Nirvana on and go to bed!”

Incidentally, if you don’t own Chemistry yet, you should. Go!

Or is it merry christmas? I suppose it must be, because happy christmas and a happy new year sounds daft.

Well, we have trimmed the tree (it was looking overgrown) and wrapped presents and we have a stock of foods to feed us over the long, cold night when the shops aren’t open. Anyway, if it all goes horribly wrong you can usually get a Chinese takeaway. That’s what’s great about a multicultural society – there’s always someone working. Working to feed you!

There are a few festive photos on my flickr profile, which should make you feel jolly. Or possibly merry. No, don’t feel merry. That way badness lies.

Anyway. Run along now, go and open presents or something. If you’re in Sweden or one of those crazy countries that open their pressies on christmas eve. If you’re elsewhere, go to bed! Then open presents. Or, more likely, hello! Happy New Year!