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Calendar

Calendar

Tetsuo! Calendaar!

Heh.  Sorry.  Joke for nobody.  Anyway, I told you I’d bring you updates on the calendar mottos as the year progressed.  Today says "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."  Now, this fails on two counts for me.  1) Education is, until university, free.  Well, unless you look at taxes and stuff, but that’s so sublimated into day to day expenditure that, for all intents and puposes, education is free.  As it should be, of course, like healthcare and porn.  2) Ignorance is also free.  I can get ignorance at no cost whatsoever from pretty much any resource.  The interspazz, the office I work in, the streets I walk down.  It’s all there for the taking.  I think the motto may be attempting to imply that it has some sort of knock-on detrimental effect, but can I measure that in pounds, shillings and pence?  Or groats?

I cannot.

Stupid calendar.  Just tell me what day it is!

Friday!

Friday!

Maybe I’ll take the window seat for the afternoon.  It’s sitting next to me, all available and that.  I can cast my gaze down upon the passers-by and rue being in a stuffy old office.

Maybe that’s worse, now I think about it.  At least here i don’t have to look at the outsiders, swanning about in their coats (and where’s my coat?  Not been despatched yet!  it will be *spring* by the time I receive my bought-for-winter coat) and looking like they’re enjoying the brittle February sun.

Officially a bit terrified

Officially a bit terrified

Yes, so, Twitter.  Fun!  One of those short-lived obsessions for me, probably.  I get those.  But who knows?  I still blog.

But it’s the weirdness of having actual, factual famous people on there, all chatting away like they’re normal.  Which, of course, they are.  But still!  This morning I was messaged by Yoko Ono!  Okay, it was an automated message, but OMG!  She broke up the Beatles – she’s, like, my hero!  And the real Amber Benson is following my posts, which is fucking nuts because she’s got like thousands of people following her and she’s only following a couple of hundred.  What made my profile stick out?  Or, you know, maybe she just follows everyone who follows her for a little bit to see if they’re mentals or not.  I think, given my posts today, she’ll not only not follow now but actively block me.

But, you know, suddenly you don’t feel like your posts are very interesting.  "Watered yucca plant" "Excel just crashed".  Until you look at what everyone else is posting and you realise that it’s all exactly the same, more or less.  No-one is twittering earth-shattering news.  It’s all watered yuccas and crashing software.  It is – for now – a great leveller.  When my posts about wanting a hat are given the same weight as Jonathan Ross talking about interviewing Morrissey or Yoko Ono announcing some charitable event or whatever.. well, that’s a good day for the internet.

…–…

…–…

The other day I saw someone breaking up via text.  Their partner told them that they meant what they said on Facebook and it was really hard to pull away from him.  He asked where they went from here.  It was all very touching to see, even if I was massively invading his privacy.  It’s good to know that cliches survive technological advances.  He seemed quite young – well, he was breaking up with someone who dumped him on Facebook via texts from his iPhone – so I’m sure he’ll find someone right for him later.  It can take time.

Then this morning I saw someone writing out a text.  I thought they were telling their boss that the transport system was buggered – I saw the word "transport", or thought I did.  Then she flicked through her dictionary and found the right word.  In the end the SMS read "The Rampant Positions Galore Diet 😉 x x".  heh.  I hope that wasn’t to her boss, after all.

Respectable member of the community

Respectable member of the community

Further escalation of the ladder of respectability.  Following my acceptance by Vodafone and T-Mobile (though not in that order) for a mobile phone contract, I last week thought to myself "Maybe I’ll try for a proper bank account.  You know, with an overdraft and something other than a Mickey Mouse Electron card".

Imagine, gentle reader, my delight when an envelope dropped through my door this week welcoming me to my new Current Account Plus with the Co-Operative Bank.  Good on yer, guys.  You can trust me.  Now hand over that Visa Debit card!

I feel like my rehabilitation from the crazed fugitive-from-justice to a decent, upstanding member of society is almost complete.  Just one more thing I need to do…

2009

2009

Oh, yeah, happy new year.  I forgot.  Well, you know, Christmas, New Year, Birthday, it all rolls into one for me.  Yeah, that’s right it was my BIRTHDAY and YOU FORGOT.  Except if you didn’t, in which case thanks for the card!

I now have two calendars on my desk – one an A4-size at-a-glance and the other is a tear-off day at a time job with an "on this day in history" fact and a little motto at the bottom of each day.

Today in 1995, Peter Cook died.  That’s cheery.  "Kindness consists of loving people more than they perhaps deserve".  That’s a bit grudging.  I’m not sure I like this calendar.  I’ll keep you up to date on those, see if they get better.

A lot to look forward to this year, eh?

Systems no go

Systems no go

Our computers are playing silly buggers.  Word is all, like, yeah, I’ll open a document but you can’t actually scroll through it or close it or anything.  And, since I’m working with Word documents today…

I’m not sure if it’s linked, but it’s getting hot in the office, too.  Maybe the aircon is on the same circuit as Word.  I think that sounds plausible – although our aircon is something of an oddball, being as it is a domestic air conditioning system installed in a 7-storey office building.  Who thought that was a good idea, eh?

GTA 360

GTA 360

Unwilling to be trapped on the single island available at the start of the story, I rode the El to the end of its line, hopped off the platform and walked the tracks towards the roadblocked bridge across to Algonquin.

The sun was setting as I walked the boards to the sides of the tracks and I marvelled at the huge city spread before me, captured in amber by the dying sunlight.  I could go anywhere there, anywhere I could see from this brige I could visit.  I was almost there.  I leapt to the footpath and contiued across the river.

It was true night when the first chopper arrived, circling me as I strode across the bridge and bellowing through a loudhailer to stay where I was or they would shoot.  Me!  An unarmed pedestrian against a helicopter gunship!  Pfft.

So I did what one should always do in these situations – I ran.  Ran like crazy.  At the first sight of land beneath the bridge – Algonquin!  At last – I vaulted the parapet, landing awkwardly on the concrete on-ramp.  Sirens in the distance were getting nearer and nearer so more running – ankles ok there? – was necessary.  A blind flight in unfamiliar territory, searching for a car.  There’s one!  Parked up, so smashed a window, hotwired it and drove.

By this point, of course, I’m hooting with laughter.  I’ve never driven well and this was just insane.  Police cars and riot vans piling in at all angles, the choppers taking potshots from above and no clue at all as to destination.  I manage around three minutes of panicked pursuit before crunching into a wall, flying through the windscreen and coming to rest in a hail of gunfire.

And back to Dukes…

Frankly, it’s been the best five minutes I’ve had playing a videogame in a long time.  It had everything – exploration, stunning visuals, a feeling of transgressing even the rules of the game itself, never mind the game-world’s rules, anticipation, excitement, on-the-fly problem solving and that final cathartic blow-out.  I’ll soon be allowed on the island legitimately.  Before that, maybe I should tool up and go again.  See if I can take a few of them down with me…