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May Day

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It’s May Day! Woo hoo! As someone just asked me – what is May Day, and why is it an international bank holiday? I have no fucking clue. It’s something to do with fertility and it’s old as the hills, respecitvely, are my guesses. I shall investigate and report back.

But fuck ignorance, I was on my lunch break and I wandered past a band of people marching to celebrate it. Go and look.

It was quite amazing, and bizarre. A beautiful spring day, sunshine and a cooling breeze between the red-brick housing developments and low-rise office blocks. There was folk music, of a morris-dancing bent, completely out of place and deliciously so. A man dressed as a druid, another done up as a chimney sweep, a Green Man and others I was too busy photographing to take in. Oh, and a man dressed as a tree. Yes, a tree. Like, 10-foot tall, green leaves, berries… A tree. Now do you want to go and look at that picture? Thought so.

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New week

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New week

Hey hey!  It’s Monday!  How are you feeling?  Is this too obnoxiously boisterous for you?

It is raining, and do I have an umbrella?  Well, I do now, although it is actually a ladies’ umbrella with a pink lining.  But why must we submit to the tyranny of pink, eh?  I have an umbrella, it has a deep pink lining, I am still a man.  Just a man, with a man’s courage.  Like Flash Gordon.  Flash Gordon’s get-up is significantly more wussy than mine and you wouldn’t go calling him a big girl, would you?  No.

My real problem today is that the one interval of sunshine and blue skies amidst the rain and wind was when I was deciding on "Coat or not?".  And so I decided "Not".

I’m cold.

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sunny side up

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sunny side up

It feels like a long time since I updated!  Ages.  I don’t know if that’s true or not.

How was Easter for you?  I think for the first time maybe ever I didn’t have a chocolate egg, or indeed any chocolate at all.  This did not give me too much pain, in the final analysis.  Perhaps the eggs stuff really is for kids?  We’ll see – it’s not like I didn’t have pancakes on Pancake Day*.  Still, it was a nice long weekend with the odd spot of painting in our spare room and a bit of the old ultraviolence in GTA IV.

Imagine if you lived in Liberty City!  No shops are ever open, the threat from terrorism means you can barely get from one island to the next and every few minutes your car is stolen.  Especially if it’s a fancy car.  You’re probably safe in a people-carrier, although not from me, because I love the way those suckers handle.  Much better than some flighty sports car (although I spent a good 10 minutes trying to total a Turismo – man, that thing was immortal).  if this doesn’t happen, you’re still not safe.  Someone will ram you, or knock the cup out of your hand, or even just throw a petrol bomb at you by mistake.

I’d move if I were you.  I hear San Andreas is nice.

*Actually, I didn’t, I had them about a month later.  But still.  My motto is "fuck lent" so I can have pancakes whenever I want.  The great benefits of atheism are plain to me. Pancakes whenever, chocolate eggs where available. Sundays free.

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Monetise?

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I’m not sure what that means. It’s not a word!

I’ve not been into Blogger much lately, you can tell, so to see a tab saying “Monetise” is a bit surprising. I assume it doesn’t transform your work into an impressionist masterpiece? Although that would be cool. Someone should totally do that.

Anyway, happy Nailing Jesus to Wood Day! Poor blighter, he was only born in December. You monsters!

Hmm. Ooh, maybe one of these days I will go through and put labels on my posts. That would be exciting!

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Oh, that looks bad

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Oh, that looks bad

I do an April Fool’s post about not posting, then I don’t do my usual Friday update.  Whoops.  Heh, no-one’s ever going to check my site again.

Well, it’s Monday and I have a camera!  A proper, 35mm Canon EOS 50e if you are of a camera-geek bent, with a 50mm Prime lens.  It’s fucking gorgeous.  Gorgeous, I tell you!  I’m looking forward to the photographs.  My first SLR!  Eeeee!

In conclusion – in your face, digital camera revolution!

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Blogging off

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Blogging off

This is it!  My thanks to Mike for the loan of this webspace for so long, but I feel that I can no longer maintain a blog.  It’s just such a pain!  Sorry, my single-figure readership, but I’m upping sticks for an easier to maintain medium.  This is what you call "fair warning".

When I get round to it, ie. when I’m at a computer I can ftp from, I shall post up links to my BeBo space and my Facebook page.  Those of you who follow me on Twitter will have to rely on me feeding my Facebook status updates to Twitter.

Farewell, Blogger.  Goodbye, wetflame.  It’s been fun.
xx

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outright lies

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outright lies

We’re into March and I’m still going to tell you about my calendar.

Today it says "Failures always tell you how hard they tried", which is less pithy than Sean Connery’s line in The Rock, but I’m guessing Collins didn’t want to put "Winners go home and fuck the prom queen" on their office calendar range.

But then there’s the fact of the day.  "1886 – Britain’s first cremation took place in Woking, Surrey."

What???  I mean, even if you discount the informal, unrecorded burnings of, eg plague victims or Vikings (aboard their longship, of course), you’ve still got the fucking Romans to contend with.  The Romans!  Remember them?  you can’t even wiggle out of this one on a semantic technicality, Collins – Britain is the geographical term, not the name of the nation state.  Maybe England’s first cremation?  The United Kingdom?  Oh, but even then.  What about that Welsh guy who was cremated amid much scandal?  I saw someone talking about it on telly one time.  I wish I remember the details.

Well, anyway.

Fail.

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Woohoo!

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Woohoo!

It’s spring.  In fact, it’s the spring equinox, and as we all know that means… well, it means something.  The day and night are the same length.  I said that in the office today and someone said "As what?"  Each other!  How does one cope with such foolishness?

I love spring.  I kind of wish for an eternal spring, but then it would, I guess, get boring.  But it’s so inspirational!  I could write a book a month if I cleared the decks for March, April and May.  But I have to work.  Frowny face.

Although, having said that, I’m currently, actually, genuinely enjoying my job.  Which is cool.  I mean, it’s not what I would have ever chosen to do, but being treated like I know stuff, like I can answer questions, like I can deal with problems even in a job I just drifted into… that’s good.  That’s satisfying.  That’s new…

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Surely they can’t do this??

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Our new clearing company LCC will be on site this weekend – Saturday 21st and Sunday 22nd March to undertake a deep clean of the kitchen facilities on all floors, including fridges.

LCC's policy for fridge cleaning cleans differs slightly form our previous cleaning company, and LCC will throw out EVERYTHING left in the fridge this weekend, and on a health and hygiene issue the fridge will be disinfected.

You are advised to remove anything you do not want thrown away from the fridge on your floor, BEFORE you leave on Friday evening.

You have been warned and Facilities will not take responsibility for ANYTHING left in the fridges this weekend, this includes all plastic containers, packs of butter or spreads, drinks opened or otherwise, cans, anything wrapped or bagged – take it home with you.

If any of your colleagues are on annual or sick leave, please remove what you think might be theirs. It does not matter if your food or drinks are named, in date or un-opened, LCC's policy is to throw out everything!

Remove it or lose it!!